Day 21 & 22 - Back in Action

Let me begin with an apology for a lack of updates to the like 3 people that still read this thing. Last week, I embarked on a Ninja Quest through much of my homeland. Unfortunately, this left me unable to work on any Ninja Training which meant that there just wasn't anything to post about. Fear not, loyal reader, as I have returned to my Ninja Place of Residences and resumed Ninja Training. Because I am again taking a Ninja Finance class at night twice a week, I am forced to scale back on my training to two nights a week as well as the Saturday Mega-Lesson. Even though I don't think I'm technically allowed to, I am still going to stay for the double Ninja-Masters/Ninja Basics training, which leads to long nights on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but counteracts the crappy food I am still eating. One of these days I'm going to have the time and the willpower to put myself on an official Ninja Diet. In the meantime though, I'm just going to complain about it.

So when I showed up for class after my week-long hiatus (or, as Ninja Master has intsructed me to call it, a Training Plateau), I expected to be a little rusty. Ninja Master was continuing a string of lessons on how to submit somebody once you have them in the Side Mount. The Side Mount is a position where your Adversary is laying on top of you on either your right or left side. It is not a new position, but up until fairly recently, not one that I have dealt with much in my Ninja Sparring. You may remember that my priority has been what to do if I find myself in a regular mount or guard position and have been focusing my attention as such. To refresh your memory, those positions both happen when your opponent is directly over you. What I was not privy to, however, was that the Side Mount can be a much crappier position to find yourself in since your Ninja Adversary has more room to get you to tap out. And, perhaps even more worrisome is that you don't have as much room to get yourself out of that position. Think of it like trying to escape if a ladder is pinned on top of you versus if you are stuck under a 3 legged stool. Do not spend time trying to consider how you may have gotten yourself stuck in either of those positions, as it will likely give you a headache.

You also may have remembered that I was recently promoted to yellow belt and hadn't had any subsequent Ninja Training Sessions between my promotion and my first day back. So I felt like I had something to prove by, at the very least, not getting tapped out by any white belts. I was medium-successful in achieving that goal. During Ninja Basic Training, I paired up against a white belt who I found out after the fact was another collegiate wrestler. Apparently Jiu Jitsu is popular with wrestlers because it combines a skill set they are used to with a whole new, exponentially badass set of abilities. But even the newest of Ninja Trainees who have wrestling experience can be dangerous. On the one hand, the stuff they know is similar to what they are learning, but the end goal is different (a pin vs. a submission). That changes their strategy which changes how one must defend against them. Also, these Ninja Newbies think they already know what they're doing when it comes to Jiu Jitsu, so they will twist and yank on limbs that don't need to have that kind of sudden pressure applied. So you have to watch out for that too.

Ok, so sidestory aside, Ninja Wrestler did not get me to tap out, although it was very close a couple times. I'm pretty sure had it not been for my new goal of not getting my ass kicked by white belts, I'd have given up way before I did...

I might have mentioned earlier that Ninja Basic Lessons are on a rotating curriculum. There are 20 or so lessons and Ninja Instructors keep teaching them in a constant rotation. Once we have learned Lesson 20, we start back over with Lesson 1. This week marked my first rotation through the Ninja Basic Curriculum -- the stuff I first started with is now being taught again. Only this time, I actually understand what is going on. Maybe now, I can finally live up to that Ninja Leadership patch I bought and teach these newer folks some Ninja Techniques on my own...

Days 19 & 20 - Private Lesson with Ninja Charlie and Yellow Belt

Jiu jitsu is a sport that is all about details and being able to adapt to your situation at a moment's notice. You could probably say the former about any sport, but my experience is that only in jiu jitsu must you also have the latter. On Thursday, Ninja Charlie was kind enough to drill with me some of the most basic Ninja Techniques - mount escapes. Because I'm still trying to figure out how to start a sparring round, I often find myself flat on my back with my Ninja Adversary (that sounds much cooler than opponent) mounted on top of me. There are at least 2 dozen variations on how a Ninja Adversary can be mounted on top of you (for example: sitting up tall to try and punch your face; sitting low to try and choke your neck; legs spread wide to stabilize; legs close to go for a submission), and each position has its own way to get out of, so Ninja Charlie taught me the three most common positions. There is something to be said about one-on-one instruction, especially with somebody who actually knows what he's doing. During our private session, Ninja Charlie was able to point out small things that I was doing wrong (there were lots of them) which impacted how successful I was at pulling the techniques off. We also spent quite a bit of time drilling scenarios when each technique should be utilized. The attention to detail paid huge dividends during official Ninja Training later that evening.

Since I went to Ninja Training for the 2-3 hours per night each night (depending on what was going on), I felt I was allowed to only go to the first hour of Ninja Masters training. To help make my decision easier, I had been at the pool all day drinking beer, so I was both sunburned and kinda dehydrated. Self-imposed handicaps notwithstanding, Thursday's Ninja Training session was a great success. Ninja Chief Instructor was substituting for Ninja Master and we just reviewed some arm-locks that we had learned the day before. During the sparring is when things got interesting. And when I say interesting, I don't mean like completely outrageous, I just mean that for the first time, I was kinda able to control the situation I was in rather than just curl up in the fetal position and count the seconds down until our rounds were over. Having just a bit of offense allowed me to take much needed breaks during the round where I could relax and catch my breath, even if it was just for a few seconds. It kept my Ninja Adversaries on their toes and prolonged the time it took for me to tap out (if I even needed to tap out at all!).

There is not Ninja Training on Fridays (thank goodness, because my shoulders have been extremely sore all week), so I worked in the yard for a couple hours and generally took it easy. Of course, I didn't put on any sunscreen again, which made my sunburn even worse.

Today (Saturday), Ninja Master was conducting Ninja Graduation (to be discussed in a minute), which meant no Leadership Class. In Ninja Masters class, we learned briefly how to escape Side Control and how to stabilize (prevent somebody from escaping) Side Control. It is pretty typical that as soon as I learn how to get out of one sort of situation, a whole new problem presents itself. Getting out of Side Control is much harder than getting out of a mount for all sorts of reasons, so I am going to have to learn how to deal with those Ninja Situations next. Ninja Sparring for an hour got pretty exhausting (as it usually does). Again, I was able to utilize some of Ninja Charlie's techniques and get myself out of bad situations. For the first time today, I was able to deliberately execute a submission on a Ninja Adversary and have it work (again, stuff that I was taught on Thursday). Nevermind that my Ninja Adversary was a white belt who I probably outweighed by about 50 lbs... the important thing is that I was able to plan a move and actually have it work. These basics were not as successful against the higher ranking Ninjas in Training, but based on the feedback I was getting, it seems like I am moving in the right direction.

After some sparring, I had some time to kill before I had to attend Ninja Graduation, so I thought I'd help out with the Ninja Basics makeup class. I partnered up with this little guy -- he couldn't have been much older than 13 or 14 to drill the techniques we learned over the week. I clearly was overlooking the details while trying to teach Ninja Middle-schooler, as Ninja Instructor (who despite having a lower job title than Ninja Chief Instructor, actually outranks Ninja Chief Instructor) spent way more time than I would have thought appropriate critiquing both of our techniques. Not a big deal though, because like I said -- this is a sport about details and adapting to your situation. After 45 minutes of review, it was time for the event I have been waiting for all week -- Ninja Graduation.

Having only seen rank advancements in class where Ninja Master hands out belts once we're all lined up at the end of our Ninja Training, I wasn't sure what to expect for Ninja Graduation. In my mind, I figured it was going to be some sort of speech followed by passing out belts followed by a round of applause. As it turns out, Ninja Master wanted to test us on the techniques we have been learning for the past 2ish months. Because there were so few Ninja Graduates, we had a one-Ninja-Instructor-to-one-Ninja-Partnership ratio. The individual attention was great because it helped me refine some of the details that I have been omitting throughout my Ninja Training. After testing over just about everything that I have learned to date (and a couple things I learned during Ninja Graduation), Ninja Master lined us all up and passed out new belts. This was the last ever Ninja Graduation ceremony, so from now on, all my rank advancements will happen during class. I am now one step closer to achieving my goal of becoming a Black Belt. Let's hope that I continue paying attention to details and stuff and am able to maintain the intensity in my training that I have had so far...

Day 17 & 18 - Guard Passing and Teaching Little Ninjas

Today was the third day in a row of Ninja Training. I have been going back to back to back this week so that I can get my Yellow Belt on Saturday before I head home for a week. Monday was probably one of the toughest days of my Ninja Training to date. I volunteered to help Ninja Master and Ninja Master's Wife train the Little Ninjas during Family Ninja Training. Back in my younger Pre-Great White Ninja days, I used to teach 3-12 year old kids how to swim, so I thought I had some experience keeping kids focused and paying attention. I'm either out of practice or not as good at keeping kids toeing the line as I thought I was, as Monday was an exhausting experience. Of course, it could have also been a combination of one Ninja Instructor, Junior Grade (yours truly) to a dozen Little Ninjas and the fact that I was learning the moves I was supposed to help teach at the same time as the Little Ninjas. Or, it could have been that one of the Ninja Instructors told me that I would be in charge of the 8 & 9 year olds by myself. Little Ninja Funny Boy and Little Ninja Funny Boy's Sidekick did not make life any easier, as they were screwing around and not focusing on the Ninja Techniques that they were supposed to learn. The other Little Ninjas were, for the most part, cooperative. I had prior commitments after Little Ninja Training which kept me from staying for Ninja Masters or Ninja Basic like I have been.

Yesterday (Tuesday, for those of you keeping score), I went to both Ninja Masters and Ninja Basics despite showing up on Saturday, thus not really needing to go to Ninja Masters. I'm glad I did though, because I really need as much practice as I can possibly get. The Ninja Technique taught to us by Ninja Master is probably over my head still, but it is good advice to keep in the back of my mind. Today's Ninja Masters provided a much more useful technique that I actually used during sparring. Ninja Master and I squared off for a 5 minute round today. That man is like a boa constrictor... he allows you to get into position and then slowly, but deliberately positions himself in a way that you know you're in trouble, but can't really do much about it. He averaged about one tap-out against me per minute. Let me say it now -- my new goal is to train hard enough to just be able to last one round against him. I am not crazy enough to think that I'm gonna win, I just don't want to lose.

Speaking of not losing, this has been a pretty productive week for Ninja Defense. Of course the higher belts that I have been rolling with are going at half-speed at first, but I think they realize that I am starting to figure out what I'm doing, so they start to pick up the intensity. Sometimes they're not able to get me to tap, but most of the time, they do. But instead of me tapping 3 or 4 times during a 5 or 6 minute round, I am only tapping once. Which is absolute improvement. The next step is to start trying to attack a bit. At this point, it isn't so that I can win the round, but rather to keep the opponent on his or her guard so I can relax the defense from time to time. The stuff we are learning in Ninja Basics -- basic guard and mount escapes will definitely help achieve that goal. Like I said -- against somebody who knows what he's doing, it won't be enough to win, but it'll do well enough to buy a few seconds of rest.

Well, tomorrow, I'm finally taking Ninja Charlie up on his offer to teach me a thing or two about jiu jistu (also known in shorthand as "BJJ"). These will be my first Ninja Private Lessons, so I'm expecting some great stuff to happen. I'll tell y'all about it tomorrow or Friday.

Day 16 - Things to do from a Side Mount

You know how some things are so obvious you completely refuse to believe that they are true until somebody shows you? Well, I had one of those moments yesterday in my 3 hour Ninja Training.

As on most Saturdays, Ninja Training began with a discussion on Ninja Leadership. Ninja Master instructed on the importance of keeping a quality "Inner Circle." While this has only been my second Ninja Leadership lesson, I have had the same progression of attitudes both times. At first, I go in with skepticism and even a bit of resentment that I am having to sit through more leadership lessons (having been saturated with these lessons for most of my life). That skepticism slowly faded, however, as I began to listen to what Ninja Master had to say. The thesis of his speech yesterday was that you need to pick your friends carefully. While he called in an "Inner Circle," I would prefer to call it my "Brain Trust." So Ninja Master suggested (in a nutshell) that the people you allow to be in your Brain Trust need to be individuals who you can count on to look out for your best interests. They can, but may not necessarily include, parents, siblings, significant others, friends. Conversely, those that are close to you, may not necessarily be in the Brain Trust (which proves to be a challenge balancing the relationship with keeping your distance). Listening to some of the Ninja Student comments and stories were interesting too. One Ninja Pupil shared with the class that he was always a follower -- assimilating whatever persona the group he was in had. But since starting the Ninja Training, he was beginning to find himself. I'm not really sure why I am choosing to share that particular story with you, the audience, this evening, except for the fact that it just sorta stuck with me.

Like myself, Ninja Master was not present for lessons last Saturday, so he didn't remember what Ninja Lessons we were supposed to learn. He opted to teach us a counter for when your opponent is trying to lock you into a "closed guard." I had the privilege of having a Ninja Partner who actually knew what he was doing. We'll call him Ninja Stu -- not because his name is necessarily Stu, but because he was a chill and patient guy (like I imagine most people named Stu are). Other than Ninja Stu being a good guy and working with me to get this stuff workable, the second hour of Ninja Lessons was pretty uneventful.

Ninja Sparring (still also known as "Rolling"), was actually alot of fun yesterday. Of my opponents, one was a retired MP (Military Police). He taught me more Ninja Basics which, like I began, were so obvious, there was know way I was going to figure it out on my own. His words were "When in doubt, grab your gi." This was so close to what I had been doing, but just far enough off the mark that the advice was pretty revolutionary. Instead of grabbing my collar like Ninja MP told me, I had been keeping my arms close with some Ninja Karate-Chop Hands. I immediately started applying this technique for the 40 or so minutes that was left and noticed that the number of times I had to tap out declined significantly.

At the end of class, Ninja Master informed me that I would be eligible for my Yellow Belt by Saturday. I'm not sure whether there is a test or anything to go with the promotion, but I did pay my $40 fee and filled out all necessary paperwork. I'm not sure if I deserve the yellow just yet, but it'll be pretty cool to level up...

Day 14 and 15 - Half Guard

Just got back from Ninja Training about an hour ago... This was my first time to do two Ninja Lessons in a row, but I have been cooped up in the house all day not studying for my last Ninja Final, so I really needed to get out of the house. And as I am paying for the highest level of Ninja Training, I figure that entitles me to show up whenever I want. So let's talk about Monday -- it was a long Ninja Session anyway since I didn't go to Ninja Training on Saturday (due to finals). Ninja Master was not there, so Ninja Chief Instructor was teaching us. Like I think I've said in the past, Ninja Chief Instructor and Ninja Master are both VERY good at what they do, they just have slightly different styles. That means instead of starting with running some Ninja Laps and having a brief discussion on Ninja Leadership, we just went straight into Ninja Techniques.

In Masters class, we have spent the past week on these half-guard escapes and are just learning slight variations on what to do depending on what position you find yourself in. I know I'm saying that alot about these lessons, but that is what it has been -- pretty close to the same moves, just highly dependent on what your Ninja Opponent wants to do. These moves are all well and good, but it takes some serious skill to 1.) Find yourself in a position that you can use the stuff you've learned, 2.) Actually remember how to pull of the technique, or 3.) Physically be strong enough to do the move. Now, all 3 factors are HUGE roadblocks, but #1 seems to be my biggest challenge right now. Generally, I find myself in one of 2 positions... flat on my back (in a Mounted Position) or on my knees tangled up in my opponent's legs (Closed Guard). I am told that we are going to learn how to escape those positions in Ninja Basics. And I have been asking the older, wiser, and more experienced Ninja Students what to do during our Sparring (or, to use some Ninja Vernacular... rolling) sessions. All of them have been extremely helpful in giving me pointers as to how to get out of the defensive positions. Which brings me to problem #3.

During Technique time (and also when Rolling with Ninja Students trying to teach me), the object is to kinda help your buddy out so that you and they can master the moves. But when you are sparring, the object is to NOT let your opponent do what they want to. So yeah, in theory, you can pull your knee in here, and grab the wrist there and WHAM-O... submission. But in actual practice, you're dealing with 250 lbs on the sternum and a very slippery wrestling buddy... makes doing textbook moves kinda tough. So you improvise. But improvising can lead to bad consequences when you leave yourself open to allowing the more experienced opponents to put you in submissions you didn't even know existed, much less know how to defend against.

So, to summarize that mini-rant... Ninja Techniques are great if you can overcome the Three Obstacles. I'm told that as I progress, I will be able to use more and more, but then advance to full-time Masters lessons when I will not be able to use them as easily for awhile. But that is a bridge that must be crossed in the distant future. In the meantime, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing -- a little move called "Fetal Position." I'd also like to share a bit of advice that I was given by a student we'll call Ninja Professor (named because he is a professor at our local University). First a bit of a back story -- I have a genetic condition called a "benign familiar tremor," which is a fancy (and I'm convinced made up medical term) term for a shakey hand. My hands shake when I'm nervous, tired, stressed and/or hungover. And apparently after working out. At it's worse, it's a pretty significant tremor... at it's best, hardly noticeable... no matter what though, I don't eat much soup.

Anywho, back to Ninja Professor's advice. After a 5 minute "Rolling" session, he noticed the Benign Familiar Tremor. He suggested that while sparring, I should just relax because getting so tense doesn't really add much to the Ninja Experience, except to just wear oneself out. I won't lie -- at first, I was a bit defensive about my shake. But then, I got to thinking what he said. It did seem to make sense -- by relaxing a bit, maybe I wouldn't get so tired so quickly! So I gave it a shot yesterday (and today) during our sparring sessions. Believe it or not, Ninja Professor is definitely on to something with his relax philosophy. Don't get me wrong, I was definitely tapped out quite a few times over the past 2 days, but it was fewer times than last week... a definite improvement! And that, my friends, is why I'm doing this.

Day 13 - More Makeups

So remember how I ended my entry last week briefly writing about the girl who passed out as we were wrapping up our lesson? I need to clarify that a little bit because I think the Controllers of the Universe or the Karma Gods or whatever you want to call them tried to pay me back with a vengeance yesterday. More on that later. First, clarification. When that girl passed out, after I realized she wasn't faking, I was honestly a little jealous. I mean she was going all out at jiu jitsu. So intensely that blood couldn't get to her brain fast enough. Then *BAM* hit the mat. She literally could not have worked harder. And I admired that. So last night, I almost achieved the same intensity...

Like Monday, I went to both Masters Ninja Training as well as Basic Ninja Training. And also like Monday, I left absolutely exhausted. During the technique portion of the lesson, Ninja Master taught us how to counter the Half-Guard Escape that we learned on Monday. Unfortunately, my new buddy Ninja Chef (if I've been calling him Ninja Cook, I have been doing him a disservice), wasn't at Ninja Training all day yesterday, so I had to find a new Ninja Partner. We'll call him Ninja Corpse because all he did was lie (lay?) there and did not offer much in the way of a lessons partner. See, it's important while you are learning these moves that your partner offer some sort of resistance and correct positioning so that you can get a good feel for how the technique is supposed to work. But Ninja Corpse did not do any of that, meaning I probably am not a master of that particular technique. That's ok though because the Ninja Lessons are set up as a "rolling curriculum," which means that there is a set number of lessons and Ninja Master just cycles through them. It is alot like jumping into a lazy river... you just keep going and going and going...

Sparring yesterday was rough. Very rough. Again, because this was Ninja Masters class, I had a wide range of opponents when it came to ability. The White and Orange Belted opponents wore me out. I think it was a fluke when I went through a couple opponents without getting tapped out because I have been on a series of just getting beat down. Ninja Master calls it part of a "Peak, Plateau, and Valley." Clearly, I am in the middle of a Valley right now and hope for this stuff to start clicking here sooner rather than later...

It was the last round of Masters Sparring that caused me to just about mimic Ninja Fainter from last week. I went up against Ninja Buddy during my last round, partially hoping to take it easy, partially hoping that I'd learn some stuff to break me out of my funk. He definitely went easy on me and definitely offered some more good pointers, but it was definitely not the walk in the park I was expected. Once the buzzer went off and we stood up, the world started getting hazy. It was like what happens after you've had too much to drink and are about to puke. Only it wasn't puking I was worried about, it was passing out. So I immediately started shedding clothing. Actually, that's not completely true... I just took off that rug of a gi (also called a kimono... I'll have a tutorial on jiu jitsu right after finals, I promise) and sat down for all of 30 seconds before Ninja Master called us back to conclude class.

Ninja Basics was more about closing the gap, only this time your opponent is wildly flailing both fists. Again, the techniques are largely the same... kick the bad guy to piss him off and get him flailing, wrap him up, and then hip throw. My partner was not Ninja Corpse, but rather Ninja Stone Cold Steve Austin. But a nicer version of what I imagine Stone Cold Steve Austin is like. For whatever reason (I'm blaming lack of oxygen to the brain), I could not master the Ninja Basic moves last night. But Ninja Stone Cold Steve Austin was extremely patient with me, so for that I appreciated him.

Sparring in Ninja Basic was equally rough, just because I was 1.) Exhausted and 2.) Still have no idea what I'm doing. I mean, don't get me wrong, I know what it looks like when I'm wrong... I just don't know how to prevent it yet. So it has definitely been a frustrating couple of days. But Ninja Master said to keep at it and it'll start to click. I've gotta be honest -- at the beginning, I wasn't really buying into his philosophy, but the way he does things is starting to make sense. Plus, he could still kick my ass all over the place, so he definitely gets my respect. I've been doing all this complaining, but I need to clarify... jiu jitsu sucks right now, but it is still one of the greatest things I've ever done. Staying home all day studying creates a ton of nervous energy that I get to get rid of at these 3 times a week lessons. I would definitely recommend them to a friend.

Day 12(ish) - Makeup Lesson

Last night was an extra long Ninja Training Session because yours truly threw a Ninja Celebration on Friday night, causing him to stay up too late and sleep through Saturday's Ninja Training Session. For those of you that are observant, you might say... wait a sec... don't Ninja Training Sessions start at noon on Saturday and end at 3? And you want us to believe you slept through all of them? To that, I say, yes, your knowledge of what time I am supposed to train is accurate (and kinda creepy), and yes, I did sleep through almost all of them. So to make up for that, I am doing double lessons on Monday and Wednesday of this week. And of course, yesterday was Monday which brings me back to the first sentence of this Ninja Blog entry -- extra long Ninja Training Session.

Ninja Training started at 6:30 yesterday with Ninja Masters class. And with Ninja Masters class comes Ninja Masters Techniques. Ninja Cook apparently missed his first Saturday lesson, so was there with me as well (great minds think alike?). But we were both tossed right into the middle of a set of lessons neither of us knew much about. Keep in mind, Ninja Master leads the Masters lessons, not Ninja Instructor. While similar, Ninja Master tends to instruct quicker than Ninja Instructor (for obvious reasons -- his audience is generally more sophisticated and skilled in the art of Jiu Jitsu). So needless to say, it was a pretty steep learning curve that Ninja Cook and I were facing. The maneuver Ninja Master was trying to teach us was a counter to when our opponent has us in a mount and bear-hug. 30 minutes, and a couple accidental shins/feet/legs to my face later, and we kinda figured it out.

It was then time for sparring round 1. The Ninja Students in this class ranged from all skill levels -- white belt to black belt. And just depends on the luck of the draw (or whoever is standing closest) to see who you pair up against. Ninja Cook and I decided that we should start as opponents. Let me stop for a sec and talk about a life choice I have made for the past couple of days that I think is pretty relevant. Because Finals are coming up, I have been quite a home-body lately, only leaving to go eat. And when I say eat, I generally mean junk food. And soft drinks. So my diet has been less than ideal lately. So when it came time to our first 5 minute round, I was slow and pretty sure I smelt like McDonalds from all the grease and stuff I've consumed. Ninja Cook did not have much difficulty getting me to submit. Several times. And I won't lie... I got a little frustrated there at the end, after getting pinned for the 5th time in as many minutes. So I was happy to move on to somebody else -- unfortunately it was a black belt. I suppose I should say fortunately it was with a black belt because the older Ninja Students tend to be better teachers than the younger ones. So Ninja Black Belt helped me with some basics which is something I am still sorely lacking. At the end of sparring session Round 1, I was ready to call it quits, but still had a whole other lesson to go -- the Ninja Basic Lesson.

Thankfully Ninja Basics was a continuation of last week. In fact, it was just about a mirror image of last week, only instead of learning about what to do if somebody throws a jab instead of a cross. I won't dwell too much on what you're supposed to do, since it's pretty much exactly the same (get the dude close, wrap him up, and drop him). The only thing that made this lesson noteworthy was how ridiculously tired I was. Ninja Cook and I allowed ourselves a pretty liberal amount of time to get up from the mat. I decided that if I had a pillow, I wasn't going to get up at all.

Sparring Round 2 was also kinda interesting. Because I bought the more expensive lesson plan, I have the privilege of being called a Ninja Instructor myself. Nevermind that I don't know what the hell I'm doing, that is still my title. We have also had a significant wave of New Ninja Students coming to sign up for lessons. Several of those students were sparring for the first time last night, so Ninja Instructor (I really should call him Chief NInja Instructor) asked for some of his Ninja Instructor Underlings (present company included) to help teach the first time Ninja Sparrers (or Ninja Spar Virgins, if you prefer) what to do. At this point, I really just wanted to go home. Or lie there while my opponent had his way with me. But I wasn't going to get that luxury just yet. The kid I was supposed to teach thought that the object of sparring is to flail around for as long as you can. Not a bad technique if you are going for 1 or 2 minute rounds. But tough to do for a full 5. And I told him so. But he didn't believe me. So I let him do his thing for about 3 minutes and then put him out of his misery. Tough love? Probably, but that's the only way he's gonna learn. Shoot, I do the same thing and that's the only way I learn.

Listen, I could probably keep going about last night's lesson (a girl totally collapsed and passed out while we were doing announcements at the end), but I've really gotta study. I'll be back on Thursday with some more updated. Either before or after my finals...

Day 11 - A Couple of Stripes and Closing the Gap to the Bad Guy

Ninja Instructor threw a curve-ball at us today. I was under the impression that we were going to learn more Ninja Techniques that we can apply during sparring. Instead, he changed directions to teach us skills which we can again apply in a bar. On an aside, I am tempted to provoke a bar fight just to see if this stuff actually works. Worst case scenario, I get my ass kicked (but I'm insured, so that's ok), but best case scenario, I prove that I have not been wasting my money with these lessons.

The theme from yesterday was what to do if your attacker is just out of your reach, but you know life is going to get real crappy real quickly unless you do something about it. And Ninja Instructor felt last night was a good time to do something about it. The moral of yesterday's lessons was to know where the punch is going so that you can control it. And the way you know where it is going is to watch the shoulder and bat the oncoming NotNinja Fist (or Fists) of Fury away. Then you can counter however you see fit. Last night, Ninja Instructor saw fit for us to use the hip-throw that we have been spending quite a bit of time with. And then, if that doesn't work (because apparently it can sometimes not work), use a leg sweep to ground the opponent. Ninja Cook was again my partner. I think I'm making a friend!

We had 3 rounds of sparring last night and again I worked on my Ninja Defense. I went up against Ninja Cook against in his first sparring round. Again, didn't want to overplay my cards and tell him that I wanted to focus on the Ninja Defense. Remember folks, this is a guy who has wrestled for quite some time. So if there was anybody that could deal with the the weak skills that I do have, Ninja Cook was the guy to do it. And you know what? He did good work. Tapped me out once, but only once. The next 2 rounds were exhausting, but uneventful.

So I titled yesterday's lesson A Couple of Striped, but have not yet talked about the stripes earned. So apparently I'm like the Ninja equivalent of Red Headed Stepchild when it comes to rank advancement. During my third lesson, I was supposed to get my second blue stripe just for showing up. But for some reason, the "rank" was skipped. But that was fine -- some electrical tape around a belt was no indicator of my skills as a Ninja Student. Especially on Day 3. But on Monday, I was supposed to get my black strip of electrical tape on my belt. Now, that is supposed to signify that I am halfway to my Yellow Belt. But for some reason, Ninja Instructor forgot to award it. And he did the same last night, but at least this time asked who was eligible for another stripe. So I raised my hand, answered a couple questions and got both pieces of electrical tape. Pretty anti-climactic, but now I'm just a few lessons from being a badass Yellow Belt.

Day 10 - Leg Submissions

Last night was the first night of Ninja Training that I was going in with my new Ninja Philosophy - Think Defense. Now, this is a pretty serious change in way of thinking for me, as I've always figured that if you have a strong enough offense, you won't really need much defense. Which is why I'm a fan of Arsenal Soccer and think Mike Leach is a great college coach despite a gimmicky offense. But I was determined to change my way of thinking for the sake of personal betterment (and not getting my ass kicked anymore).

Before we could get to the sparring though, Ninja Instructor told us that the next couple of days would be focused on leg submissions -- 40% of the submissions that we would ever learn. To be honest, this kinda went against my new philosophy, but being as open-minded as I am, I decided I was going to pay attention anyway. Ok, so that might not be the complete truth -- it was either learn the leg submissions or go home. And I really didn't want to do that. The trick to the leg submissions we were doing last night was to get the ankle in a vice grip thing and put pressure on the Achilles Tendon. If you do it right, it doesn't take much work for that position to really start to suck for the other guy. If you do it wrong, it takes quite a bit more work and can actually end up sucking worse if you do serious damage to the tendon. Nothing terribly difficult, but like I said -- not the most practical for what I'm trying to do right now unless my opponent is just terrible and pisses me off.

After being all ready for like 4 rounds of sparring, it turns out that we only had time for 1 round. I think it is because are classes are starting to get really full, so practicing each technique is taking longer because the instructors have more people to talk to. On the plus side, I am no longer the FNG. On the down side, there isn't as much room to maneuver. On another plus side, the kids that don't know what they're doing can get themselves into some pretty awkward positions (I have been that kid on more than one occasion). So I was feeling a little too big for my Ninja Britches last night and was going to pick the biggest, baddest Ninja Student to spar against. Good thing that Ninja Student wanted nothing to do with me, and instead I went up against somebody about my own size and rank (he even was wearing the same outfit as me!) So he will from now on be known as Ninja Twin. The thought had crossed my mind to warn Ninja Twin that I was going to just focus on defense, but I didn't want to overplay my round. Before the round started, I was pumped... ready to give this new stuff a try. Time started and I immediately realized that defense is just as tough, if not tougher than offense. In other words, I got real tired real quickly. But the techniques were successful. Ninja Twin wasn't able to tap me out.

Here's the thing about being a white belt who is only on defense -- I don't know enough to know what the other guy is trying to do. I do know enough to know that I don't want him to be able to do any of it. So no matter what the opponent is trying to do, I'm fighting him the entire way. But when your opponent is a white belt too, he doesn't know what he's trying to do any more than I know why I'm trying to prevent it. So I'm burning through energy even quicker than I might with a higher ranking opponent. As always, I'll keep you up to date...

Day 9 - Starting from the Knees

Normally, I would have updated yesterday, but there was a little too much Ninja Celebrating on Saturday night, so I was too Ninja Hungover to do much of anything. So today, I am writing about Saturday's Ninja Lessons right now. An entry about tonight's Ninja Lessons will be posted tomorrow (hopefully...)

So, as we know, Saturdays are now my long Ninja Lessons, but this particular Saturday was not as long as others will be. And we know that is because there was some sort of graduation ceremony, of which I know nothing about yet. So lessons started at 1 with the Masters Training. Ninja Master decided that we were going to learn how to initiate a fight from the kneeling position. Ninja Master gave us a series of steps to try if your opponent isn't cooperating. He taught us to think of it kinda like a gearshift in a car -- try first gear (throw the guy to the side), but if he won't let you, shift into second (take his momentum from resisting you and throw him to his back, right), and if that is unsuccessful, you punch him in the face and walk away. Of course I'm kidding -- Ninja Master taught us about 9 different angles we can try and get our opponent to the ground with.

For hour two of class, we practiced sparring. Instead of going right to the 5 minute rounds though, Ninja Master had us drill "passing the guard" by first trying to keep from getting your guard passed for 5 minutes, and then 5 minutes of trying to pass your partner's guard. No submissions were allowed either. As soon as you successfully did what you were supposed to, it was time to switch. Now, on its face, that sounds like a really good drill. After all, it focuses all of your attention on the most important element of jiu jistu. Here's the problem though -- at that precise moment, I had no idea that passing the guard is the most important thing you can do in jiu jitsu. In fact, I didn't have a clue as to what passing the guard meant. And neither did my opponent. So it was 10 minutes of rolling around and looking like what I can only assume was a complete idiot. In the second round of this drill, at least my new opponent knew what was going on, so he didn't look like a moron. For the record, I still did. The rest of the 40 minutes of sparring was not very eventful -- I only sat out one round of the 8 or so rounds. During the last round, I paired up with an old friend from High School who enlightened me with some of the very basics of jiu jitsu.

Ninja Buddy's advice was first to show me some techniques that would make it really hard for my opponent to tap me out. Sure, he said, I wouldn't win the round, but I definitely wouldn't lose it either. As a white belt, my job is to not win, but to not be embarrassed. And as I progress through the ranks, these basic defensive moves will help me wait out my opponents and open up counters and blocks that otherwise wouldn't be available to me. And remember how I mentioned that I didn't know that passing the guard was the most important aspect in jiu jitsu: the Ninja Meat and Potatoes if you will. Well, the reason I now know that it is important is because Ninja Buddy told me. He also told me what a guard officially was. And what passing it officially means. It was definitely one of those light bulb, "a-ha!" moments that I have been looking for during the past couple of weeks. I am going to put these basics to use and of course will report on the results.

Day 8 - Self Defense Continued (and Concluded)

I decided that I would try out my new Gi yesterday for Ninja Training class. It is quite a bit heavier than the free one we got for signing up for Ninja Lessosn. Let me use an analogy a la High School SAT to see if I can better explain what I mean by "quite a bit heavier:" Old Gi is to wearing a cotton undershirt as New Gi is to wearing a rug. But it is a pretty awesome shade of blue, so I am definitely one of the more stylish Ninja Students in class now.

Class today was all about how to get out of a standing headlock. Remember what I said on Tuesday about these techniques being so specific to the position of your opponent? If you don't, let me refresh your memory -- all the stuff we have learned so far is highly dependent on your opponent/attacker/adversary being in exactly the right position. For example, yesterday we discussed a standing headlock where your opponent has his (or her!) feet close together and what you should do to get out of that. And then we discussed what to do when the person administering the headlock has his (or her!) feet spread far apart.

I've been a bit under the weather lately dealing with West Texas Allergies, so I was in a bit of a drug-induced fog last night. That means I went to Ninja Lessons a bit on autopilot, so I cannot report with the same Ninja Journalistic Integrity on the techniques that we learned last night. So, I suppose the moral of this story is that if somebody wanted to win a fight against me, the standing headlock is my weakness. I might try the wide base headlock counter when in fact your feet are close together and hilarity would not ensue... (For the record, when I say hilarity would not ensue, I mean that somebody's knees might get accidentally blown out -- that is the consequence for not doing these techniques right).

The highlight of the night came during sparring. I had a wide range of Ninja opponents, from familiar opponents such as Ninja Short Stuff (we sparred on Day 1, but she didn't make the final cut of people to talk about in that Blog entry), to new opponents such as Ninja Surprisingly Fit For An Older Guy. That dude was quick. And strong. And knew what he was doing. I was slow. And tired. And still have no idea what I'm doing. He got me in all sorts of locks and traps that I didn't even know existed. But the highlight of that 6 minute round was while he was trying to maneuver his leg over my head. But he missed over my head and made contact with my face. Specifically my nose. Giving me my first Ninja Nosebleed. It may be a misplaced sense of pride, but I couldn't help but feel like a badass for getting a more Manly Injury than just a sore back.

There is Ninja Graduation on Saturday, so we will only have 2 hours of Jiu Jitsu instead of the full 3. It'll be nice to have a little time off, since it's officially time to start studying for Non-Ninja Exams.

Day 7 - More Self Defense

Not too much out of the ordinary stuff happened at Ninja Lessons. Actually, that isn't quite accurate of a statement. Everything so far that has seemed out of the ordinary at Ninja Academy really is pretty common activity. Ninja Students bow at the door when entering Ninja Academy. Then Ninja Students bow when walking onto the Ninja Training Mat. Then Ninja Students, Ninja Instructor and Ninja Assistant Instructors all bow at each other to start the lesson. Ninja Class then circles around Ninja Instructor as he picks out an unlucky Ninja Assistant Instructor to demonstrate that day's Ninja Techniques on. (As an aside, "Technique" is the official name for the skills we have been learning. From time to time, I have inadvertently referred to Ninja Techniques as Ninja Moves, Maneuvers, or Skills and will continue to do so, but I wanted to make sure that my Ninja Audience knows what I'm talking about). Ok, back to the topic at hand.

So yesterday's Ninja Demonstration was a carryover from last week's self defense lessons. Specifically, we started with what one might do if your attacker grabs you in a Bear-Hug over your arms from behind. I wanted to stop (again) and make 2 comments about this technique. First, during these Ninja Demonstrations, Ninja Instructor presents a very specific scenario with a very specific maneuver to escape. In this case, re-read the second sentence of this paragraph. Several things needed to happen for this Ninja Technique to even be applicable:

1.) The assailant needed to grab you from behind (grabbing from the front is a whole other technique).
2.) His grip needed to be extremely tight (if he loses his grip, you apply a whole new technique)
3.) He needs to grab over your arms (if he grabs you under your arms, it's a different move which we did cover last night).

Point 2 that I would like to make regarding this technique -- it was a review from last Wednesday's lesson. The same lesson where Ninja Newbie dropped me and I screwed something up in my back. That injury still isn't quite healed, so I was pretty nervous that I'd screw it up again. My partner was a familiar foe -- a guy who I drilled against in the first or second lesson. He was coming back from a two-week absence due to an ankle injury playing some basketball. Ninja Chef (he works on campus as a chef at a local eatery). Before our lesson, he told me that his weight ranged anywhere from 220 to 240, meaning he has 40-60 pounds on me. This knowledge did not help alleviate my apprehension that I was going to screw up my back worse than it already was. We came close to re-injury, but never anything that couldn't be handled. And I didn't get dropped. Ninja Chef knew what he was doing.

The next Ninja Technique was how to deal with an attacker who bear-hugs you under your arms (see, I told you we'd talk about this technique). It did not involve any flipping. Just hooking your leg around the bad guy's so he can't throw you around without tripping himself and then grabbing his leg and falling on top of him. Pretty easy, pretty effective.

The last two Ninja Techniques for the night were what to do if somebody grabs you from behind with the intention of dragging you into their van or whatever. If you are on your guard you literally flip the dude over your shoulder (My back didn't particularly appreciate flipping or being flipped). If you are off your game and start getting dragged away, distribute your weight, lock your leg with his, and throw him over so that you're standing and he's flat on his ass. If necessary, punch repeatedly.

Again, I stayed for the extra "Black Belt Training" Technique time period without paying for it because I wanted to chat with Ninja Instructor about the additional training. I don't know that he was used to a student asking so many questions, not just about the Black Belt Training, but about training in general. For example, 2 weeks into lessons and I'm already asking about competitions. For the record, I can start those in about 6 months after I know enough basics. I also asked him about how much additional gi's cost. Again, for the record, Ninja Academy sells them for much cheaper than the internet has available. That was actually really surprising to me. Finally, I explained to Ninja Instructor my frustration at being one of the older students yet being a significantly lower rank than people my own age (Ninja Instructor included). I'm really not sure what I was expecting for a response -- after all, one does not learn jiu jitsu overnight. But I was shocked that Ninja Instructor understood where I was coming from. And it was definitely not a canned response like I got from some of my other questions. Ninja Instructor explained that the more I train, the better I'll be. Now while that seems like an obvious thing to say, he expanded -- training is not just learning the techniques, but also teaching them. Showing up on days that I do not have lessons to start offer advice on how these techniques should be performed. It was much more genuine than I expected and was well received by the Great White Ninja.

Needless to say, I ended up purchasing the black belt training program. It was at a price I couldn't refuse. And I got a sweet new blue gi in the process. That being said, I'm still interested in learning from those not involved in the Ninja Academy, so let's figure out a time to go to the gym.

We're continuing Self Defense on Wednesday. I'll tell y'all about it on Thursday. Until then, have a good one.

Day 6 - Auditing the Black Belt Training

Yesterday, I had 3 hours of jiu jitsu. It started at noon with a leadership class. Now, I know what you're saying -- The Great White Ninja is well-versed in the leadership lessons, so why is he wasting his valuable time hearing lessons about such a skill? Well, ladies and gentlemen of Ninjaland, the reason was because I am trying to get as full and complete idea of what goes on in Black Belt Training as I possibly can. And part of Black Belt Training includes a lesson on Ninja Leadership (not unlike regular leadership, but sneakier) one hour a week on Saturday. This week's lesson was about rapport and listening to others. And why people suck at listening... I think... I really wasn't paying attention. And to be honest, my attention was fading in and out for exactly the reasons that Ninja Master said they would -- I was tired, I didn't have proper perspective, I was distracted. The Big Revelation I got from the Ninja Leadership lesson was that Ninja Master does in fact know what he's talking about. He would make a much more effective teacher than my Leadership and Ethics Professor (who, according to others is a bona fide expert in leadership theories and stuff). Also, these leadership lessons would make a great alternative to jail time and/or being suspended from school for those screw-up kids that get themselves into trouble because they are bored or think they're badasses. So maybe some day if I'm Ninja Juvenile Prosecutor, I'll look Ninja Master up and maybe we can work a deal out...

After the lesson on rapport, we starting working on the lessons for the next week. SPOILERS ALERT: We will be doing more self defense. And learning about the Gracie Kick as well as formally learning the Sucker Punch Counter that we learned in our preview lesson. Ninja Master deliberately paired us with higher ranking Ninjas so that we could work on "talking out" the moves. That method made all the difference in the world, as I found I was retaining the information better than just watching and trying to Ninja-Monkey See: Ninja-Monkey Do like I have been doing for the past 2 weeks.

The next segment was a Master's class where Ninja Master taught us some advanced take-down techniques. Now, I say advanced, but I'm not sure why. It was a pretty basic move where you dive, grab your opponent's ankle and do a somersault until their ass hits the ground. You can then manipulate your opponent as necessary to get him or her into position to continue kicking ass (if you are in a real life fight, or doing MMA), or begin a submission (if you are in a jiu jitsu tournament). My partner was a Big Ol' Boy... definitely had 4 inches and 75 pounds on me. And probably 10 years. We'll call him the Nicotine Ninja because he smelled like stale cigarette smoke. But we worked well trying to figure out what the hell we were doing. Little did I know that I'd be seeing more of the Nicotine Ninja when we started sparring during the 3rd hour of Saturday's Black Belt Training... the Sparring.

Ok, so at 2 o'clock, we started the Sparring Leg of Ninja Training. People had been trickling in all day, so the Ninja Academy was quite full by the time the third leg of training rolled around. At first, Ninja Master demanded that like-colored belts stuck together, so the Nicotine Ninja and I had a round together. As was the case last week, Sparring is the worst, yet most awesome thing ever. 5 minutes at a time of balls-to-the-wall fighting to try and not get pinned or choked out... or in the case of me and the Nicotine Ninja-- trying not to get smothered. Which I was not successful at like 4 times in that 5 minute span. I decided to take it slow during the hour-long sparring session, so I would sit out every other round and just watch. As the hour progressed, I found myself paired up against higher and higher ranks. At first, I was a little disturbed because I figured the higher ranking Ninjas would kick my ass all over the place, but as it turns out, the opposite happened. These guys are smart enough to know that I didn't know what the hell I was doing and were great at teaching me stuff that Ninja Instructor and Ninja Master hadn't covered in class. Practical stuff like how to escape when you are pinned down or how to keep your neck and chest covered to keep from getting arm-barred or x-choked or whatever. I won't like though -- once 3 PM rolled around, I was absolutely exhausted. So as soon as I got home, I treated myself to a Ninja Shower and a Ninja Nap.

I'm still not 100% sure whether I'm going to commit to these lessons or not -- I have freed the funds so that I can afford them if I want to, but Ninja Charlie has made some good points on the comments (feel free to agree/disagree yourself, Ninja Readers). Here's what I'm thinking is going to end up happening: I will probably sign up for these lessons because I am enjoying learning the advanced techniques and to be honest, the sparring is really why I'm doing this jiu jitsu stuff in the first place. And, learning while competing against other Ninja Students, even those that are higher ranking is a great experience. Now that being said, I really want to expand my Ninja Horizons and am always looking for more training buddies, so Ninja Charlie (and anybody else who is interested), let's definitely figure out some time that we can meet up and train.

I'll have a definitive answer tomorrow. But until then, I'm going to Ninja Bed.

Day 5 - Self Defense and Sparring

Well lady and gentleman who actually read this thing, The Great White Ninja stepped up his jiu jitsu training last night and had his first real-life sparring matched. Now, I can't remember if I said I sparred for the first time during my last lesson. I certainly thought I did. But I was very mistaken. But that came at the end of the lesson, so let's take a moment and chat about what happened at the beginning of the lesson.

Ninja Instructor informed us that the next few lessons were going to be a more practical and "in the field" use of jiu jitsu -- In The Field Ninjaing, if you will. He told us that everything we were learning up to this point was good for competitions, but not if you got in a bar fight. He makes a good point... I'm pretty sure I couldn't ask my assailant to grab my collar and sleeve exactly in X fashion so I can counter and flip him over my shoulder like I was taught. So to remedy that, Ninja Instructor informed us that we would be starting in positions that were likely to occur when you piss off a good ol' boy named Bubba or a frat guy named Steve because you were accidentally hitting on their girlfriend (nevermind that she was totally flirting with you first and you were just returning the favor -- in their eyes, you're the bad guy here). So the first position was a standing front choke. Think Homer and Bart Simpson style of choke here. Getting out of a choke is pretty easy. What happens afterward to end the fight... not so much. Once you escape the choke, you're supposed to throw your attacker to the ground and lock him up in an arm-bar. Or, if you're especially pissed off, start pounding on his face with your fist. But be sure to only hit the flat part of his face (the temple) or else you might break your hand. Of course, you will probably break your hand anyway, but it will suck less than if you hit a roundish part of your attacker's face.

We also learned how to get out of a couple of bear-hugs which were mostly uneventful. The one that was not so uneventful was when your assailant has grabbed you from behind and is trying to drag you to his van for what I can only assume is CIA-styled torture. So, let me try and explain in words what was explained to me in actions. When the bad guy has you wrapped up, you only kinda escape, but not all the way escape because the goal is to toss him around your hip, drop him behind you and then break his elbow or face or ribs (depending on your mood). Now, I haven't mentioned my practice buddy until this point because he didn't do much that was noteworthy until this point. As an aside - I have realized that almost all of the people in jiu jitsu are good people and just trying to figure stuff out like I am. And like I have many many times in the past, these guys screw up from time to time. Sometimes, it's not a big deal and sometimes people get hurt. I've generally been lucky that I've had partners that know what they are doing. Last night though, the shoe was on the foot, as my partner, Ninja Newbie probably knew less than I did about jiu jitsu. So it really sucked when he dropped my fat ass onto his knee. So if somebody could tell me the difference between a sore back and a bruised kidney, I'd really appreciate an explanation.

Ok, time to stop complaining and time to start talking about this sparring business. 3 rounds of 3 minutes each that feels like an eternity. The first time you ever officially get to spar, you're paired up with an instructor to make sure you don't hurt yourself or your partner. I was kinda hoping that my partner/instructor could at least talk me through how to do this sparring stuff, but no such luck. It was 3 minutes of trying not to tap out. Which was successful until right before the buzzer went off when I got locked up into a headlock. That kinda sucked. Next partner was Ninja Newbie. Apparently he wasn't as new at this as I first thought because sparring against him was tough, to say the least. I figured out my problem -- I have no idea how to start or end a fight. I can put up a decent fight for like 2 and a half minutes, but I'm not gonna be winning anything... just not losing. And then I get tired and do lose. And I hate losing. But I supposed that I better get used to it for a few more weeks...

On Saturday, I'm going to be able to audit the "Black Belt" training classes that the Ninja Academy wants me to buy. It'll be 3 hours of training, so I'll have a full report here in a couple days.

Day 4 - Chokes, Breaks, and Counters

Well, it's 8 AM on Tuesday morning and I am so sore, I can barely move. Last night we learned about Chokes and a couple of Counters to being Choked. Which, I for one, think is a much nicer alternative to the sleeper-holds we were being taught. Those of you who are or were at one time involved in contact sports and think I'm being a wuss about this, you're right... growing up as a swimmer meant that if you made contact with another person, you were doing it wrong. So I'm sure I'm going to get used to all this activity, but for the time being... damn...

So we started off with a bit of review from last week -- trying to trip somebody, but now with an added level of difficulty: your partner is just not cooperating and letting you trip him, so you're supposed to grab his collar and choke him out with your wrists (counter intuitive to what I might have first expected). My partner for this evening is on the wrestling team at the local university here in town, so he was pretty quick. And strong. And not being particularly cooperative when I went in for the choke which meant the Great White Ninja had to step up his game last night against opponent Ninja Wrestler. You know, it's kinda a weird feeling, telling somebody "Oh, you don't have the choke right... get a little more under my collar..." and then your next thought being something along the lines of "Well, I guess he figured it out" as you're trying to tap out letting you opponent know that the world is quickly going dark (but not too frantically because you don't want anybody to think that you are being a big baby in jiu jitsu class).

The next move we learned was to break up contact with your opponent. And then throw his ass on the ground. This particular move is fun when you are the one doing the throwing, but when you are the person getting thrown, it kinda sucks. You may be wondering -- how many times do you have to be thrown to the ground before it gets crappy? The answer is 8. 8 times before you groan after getting up and have to catch your breath before you run the drill again. As it turns out (and I didn't find this out until after the fact), there is a technique you can use when you hit the ground so that you don't knock the wind out of your lungs. I'll be trying it out on Wednesday to see if it really works.

So, I was hurting pretty bad after that little round of lessons and was thrilled to learn that our next skill would be how to keep that from happening. In my first "Ah ha! The tables are turned!" moment (and the fact that at this point in the evening, I was pretty desperate not to get thrown on my back anymore), I'd venture to say that this was the easiest Ninja Move that we've learned to date. Just to clarify, when I say easiest we've learned, I of course mean when your partner is helping you pull the moves off. Once your opponent starts putting up any resistance what-so-ever, these things get really hard to do. My opponent for the drills/sparring was a quick little kid who bless his heart could not get the leverage he needed to flip me. Of course, on the other side, bless my heart, I wasn't quick enough to grab him to end the little fight. In the end, I was able to beat the little guy, but it wasn't pretty. Nor was it using proper form. I was tired and wanted to stop. That sparring was definitely the most winded I have been in a years.

So I'm thinking about stepping up the training. I am signed up for the "basic" level of training which gets me 45 minutes of lessons twice a week. The next level -- "black belt" means an hour of lessons twice a week and 3 hours on Saturdays. And apparently it'll get me more articulate on what the official jiu jitsu terms actually are. I get a free trial for the rest of the week, so we'll see what happens. Any thoughts/comments/suggestions would be appreciated.

Day 3 - The Makeup Lesson

Still have that paper to work on, so, much like Saturday's lesson, this is going to be pretty short.

Since I missed class on Monday because of a meeting, I showed up on Saturday for a makeup lesson. I showed up early (just looking for a reason not to work on this paper) and watched the advanced students sparring until class started. After his practice and before mine, I talked to one of the Ninja Instructors at Ninja Academy and found out exactly what sort of training he and his peers have to go through in order to be employees at Ninja Master's Academy. He told me that they go through a full day a week of instruction and training on how to be effective Ninja Instructors. Now, this is on top of the daily lessons they teach and are taught during the week. It actually caught me off guard because I just assumed that to teach at Ninja Master's school, you had to be a black belt. Or maybe red belt (I'm still trying to figure the order of ranks). Not gonna lie -- I was pretty impressed.

Class itself was pretty uneventful. Learned about the Mount and the Guard position and how to end a fight with a couple basic submissions. We had a different Ninja Instructor teaching this class than I have had for my other two lessons, but his teaching technique was the same (See: previous paragraph about Ninja Instructor instruction). My partner, while friendly enough, was a bit of a Ninja Know-it-all. To be honest, Ninja Know-it-all reminded me of many of the people I go to school with. You know the type... despite having the exact same qualifications and experiences seems to always know that he's right and you're wrong.

A few hours after class, some of my Non-Ninja Buddies and I went to a local eatery and drinkery to get some good seats for the UFC fight later that night. The fights themselves were pretty disappointing, save for a couple of the lightweight matches. I did get to see Renzo Gracie (a member of the Gracie family who invented Brazilian Jiu Jitsu) fight Matt Hughes. Judging from cheers from the crowd at the eatery, Hughes was a local favorite. And he proved to be the better fighter as I lost the $4 wager (it was all the cash I had on me) to one of my friends.

Alright, time to get back to the paper... More Ninja Lessons tomorrow. And I think I have a leadership discussion coming up. I should probably figure out when that is...

Day 2 - First Blue Stripe

I'm going to talk about my second jiu jitsu lesson, but I'm going to start with the end first. Yours truly earned his first Ninja Stripe on his white belt yesterday. Now before we break out the booze and the marching band in celebration, the only requirement is to show up to 2 lessons. Ever the salesmen, Ninja Staff at Ninja Master's Training Academy explained to me that the purpose for the stripe was to reward me for having the moral fortitude for showing up to two lessons -- a feat which apparently most do not accomplish. Oh, and my payment check for lessons cleared. But I'm pretty sure the two had nothing to do with each other...

Ok, so on to discussing the lesson. The Great White Ninja (me) has been pretty overwhelmed lately working on a research paper so that I don't have to take a final and can graduate school (the regular kind of school... not Ninja Academy). Per my usual, I have been waiting until the last possible second to get this thing done. I definitely lack Ninja Discipline (which I have been promised will change after several Ninja Training Sessions). So, since this paper is due Friday, I have been under quite a bit of self-induced stress trying to get this thing done. And, just to clarify, when I say "trying to get this thing done," I mean staring at a blank computer screen and cursing for hours on end. Needless to say, I was very ready to blow off some steam and whip some people around at Ninja Training Academy.

My wishes were quickly answered upon arriving at Ninja Training Academy, as Ninja Instructor informed us that we would be learning some moves from a standing position and when the opponents have made contact with each other. Now, while I'm writing this, I realize it sounds hyper-technical, but that is only because I suck as an author and not because this isn't something that happens all the time in Real Life (bar fights often have people all sorts of tangled up with each other). My partner for the evening was a kid I'd probably peg around 16 or 17 years old. He also probably had two inches and at least 50 pounds on me, so it was my turn to apply the new Ninja Lessons to attempt to bring down this gentle giant without hurting myself.

The first Ninja Maneuver we worked on was a leg-sweep that turned into me sitting practically on Gentle Giant's head and locking his arm up in a way that would break his elbow if I was really really angry. Still being new at this, I definitely had the Ninja Jitters. For those of you who know me personally, you know that I have a bit of a tremor in my hands. For those of you who don't know me personally, I tend to have a bit of a tremor in my hands (but don't worry, it's not Parkinson's, I got it checked out). This little shake gets much more noticeable when I get nervous. Apparently last night I was pretty nervous because even Gentle Giant noticed the shake. But he was nice about it, so that was pretty cool. First move went pretty ok. It really doesn't take that much to get your opponent in an uncomfortable position. I know that because when I was Gentle Giant's opponent, it didn't take much for him to get me into an uncomfortable position.

The second couple of moves we learned from Ninja Instructor required quite a bit more agility and flexibility. We were supposed to lock our opponent up with moves I can't really describe using real words. There were some Ninja Twists and Ninja Turns and the end product was me on the ground, legs wrapped around Gentle Giant trying to hyper-extend his elbow in an arm-bar. Let me take this moment to say this about Gentle Giant -- he might have been big, but the kid was quick. I had to move slow and deliberate, talking out loud and reminding myself of the next step. Gentle Giant however, had me pinned in a matter of seconds. Apparently he has been doing jiu jitsu since January, so there is hope for me yet.

At the end of the lesson, it was time to drill the moves we learned while the more experienced Ninja Students practiced rounds (called sparring) on each other. In order to have the privilege to spar, you must have a leadership conversation with Ninja Instructor about Leadership and stuff. I am told that conversation is on the horizon. But, in the meantime, I got to practice. The only other Ninja Novices in my class was the Ninja Family that signed up for lessons at the same time that I did. Ninja Family fascinated me from the moment I met them because I never really considered this a family-friendly activity like going to the carnival might be. Ninja Family had the Ninja Patriarch, 5'8" 140 lbs or so, the Ninja Matriarch, 5'8" 150 lbs or so, and three Little Girl Ninjas (13, 13, and 6 years old?). Ninja Patriarch and Ninja Matriarch looked like they would pair up and the two 13 year old Little Girl Ninjas were getting ready to do the same (like they had done for both Ninja Lessons that we attended together) leaving me to be partners with the 6 year old. Thank goodness Ninja Instructor recognized the size differences between me and my partner-to-be and reassigned pairings. I paired up with Ninja Patriarch and we mostly just watched while Ninja Matriarch got her ass kicked by her daughter.

This was a productive lesson. Definitely conquered one of my biggest Ninja Fears -- hitting the ground too hard. The Ninja Training Mats offer quite a bit of support and being thrown around doesn't suck as hard as I thought it would. Looking forward to Saturday for a makeup lesson. As always, I'll keep y'all informed of what happens.

Day 1 - The Headlock

Two days ago, I went to my very first Ninja Training Lesson. Because I signed up for 6 months of lessons, the Ninja Training School gave me my first Ninja Outfit for free, but putting it on for the first time wasn't exactly the awe-inspiring moment I was expecting. I still don't know all the technical terms (wikipedia research forthcoming), so for the sake of this story, we'll call it a Ninja Shirt and Ninja Pants. Ninja Pants were nothing fancy: white fabric thin enough to breathe, but thick enough that you can't see my Ninja Undies; elastic waistband not unlike something you'd wear to Ninja Thanksgiving so you can eat a little extra turkey; and a draw string to prevent any Ninja Moonings. Ninja Shirt was a little more complicated. It is almost a normal, long-sleeve, white, button-down shirt (much looser fitting of course), but there were a couple long strings hanging down from the bottom. I don't think my Ninja Intuition has developed quite enough because I could not for the life of me figure out how to secure this thing, so I put on a t-shirt under my Ninja Shirt flapping open like an ironic male model.

Now, before I go on to talking about what happened at my first lesson, I wanted to clarify something for my like 6 readers out there. This blog is about me learning jiu jitsu. It isn't some political satire and I'm not really taking many artistic licenses out of this thing. I'm keeping it anonymous though because I'm not sure whether my experiences are going to be positive or negative, so I don't want to be bashing people from behind the safety of my computer screen. Everything that I talk about actually happened to me as I go from an out of shape student who likes to relive his glory days as a High School Swimmer to somebody who may or may not learn jiu jitsu.

Ok, disclaimers out of the way, I'll talk about arriving to my first "real" Ninja lesson. Ninja Master's wife (Mrs. Ninja Master) had called me earlier that day to give me the heads up on a few Ninja Training Rules and Regulations. It was mostly stuff that I had figured out pretty quickly -- refer to anybody with a belt that has a belt that isn't white, yellow or orange as Mr. or Ms. Ninja (I'm assuming this rule is for my own safety as you don't want to piss off any Ninja Warriors lest they decide to kick my ass); bow at the door; bow before walking onto the mat; bow before starting lessons; and bow before going to the bathroom or getting water (Ok, to be fair, Mrs. Ninja Master didn't tell me about that last rule, but I planned on erring on the side of caution... for the same reason I was about to call a bunch of 11 and 12 year olds sir and ma'am).

The way Ninja Lessons are set up is on a 16-lesson cycle, learning a new skill every session. That way Ninja Novices such as yours truly can just show up and not be too far behind. Now, that being said, some of the fellow Ninja Students in my Ninja class were much closer to their 16th lesson than their first. Ninja Instructor (a purple belt [I think] student of Ninja Master) had his class circle up to learn a headlock escape. Ninja Assistants got down on the mat and performed, what appeared to me, to be an intricate maneuver to escape from a headlock. Ninja Instructor called this a "basic" move and it was clear to me that I was getting in way over my Ninja Head. Ninja Assistants demonstrated the move a couple more times, slower (much to my relief).

We paired off to practice the escape. I can't be sure, but I'm fairly certain my partner was 8 years younger than me, despite being about my height/weight. Apparently this Ninja Apprentice was on his second or third lesson, but this kid was good. Yours truly could barely figure out my right side from my left, but my opponent was like a spider monkey. He was a nice kid though, offering me tips and stuff (like, "Roll over to your right side... no, not left... your right..."). It was a bit of a struggle at first, but once I figured everything out, I realized that this is going to be an amazing experience. One of my concerns when signing up was that it didn't look like anybody was working that hard and just rolling around on the ground. Let me be the first to tell you that couldn't be further from the truth... this stuff is an incredible workout.

Well, since this is Easter weekend, I won't be back in the gym until Wednesday. I'll keep y'all updated on the sweet new moves I learn.

Introduction

On Monday, I began my quest to be the Greatest White Ninja That West Texas has Ever Seen. Or, I suppose in true Ninja fashion, a more appropriate title would be "Greatest White Ninja That West Texas Has Never Seen, But Probably Has Heard About."

So how did I embark on this quest to learn the ways of the Great White Ninja? It started the other night while we were watching a UFC match (fight?) on Pay Per View. These guys were beating the crap out of each other for a substantial amount of time. Now, I've never been in as much as a yelling match, much less a fighting arena, so I figured it was time to get my pasty white self toughened up (See: Harden The F Up, Australia, NSFW language). Now, at the time, this train of thought was merely drunken posturing... While I'm not 100% sure, it is more probable than not that I really had no intentions of signing up with a gym. I can say that a google search and a phone call to Ninja Training School had me signed up for a "Free Preview" by Monday evening.

At the Ninja Training School's "Free Preview," I had the opportunity to meet the owner and proprietor of the school, Professor Ninja. Now, Professor Ninja is probably one of the most squared away individuals I have ever met. From what he told me, he opened his facility when he was 17 years old and has been instructing Ninja Students to become Ninja Masters for almost 20 years. The Instructors at Ninja Training School demonstrated and instructed The Great White Ninja on a basic maneuver designed to subdue a bar assailant. And with the Great White Ninja's uncanny ability to provoke others at drinking establishments, it is most likely that such skills will come in handy in the not so distant future.

After the demonstration, came the hard part -- signing up for Ninja Training Classes. Now, I haven't been involved in many car-sales transactions, but the tactics employed by Ninja Salesman were absolutely incredible. Before I knew what was happening, I was signing a significant contract ensuring that I would be well on my way to becoming the Great White Ninja. Needless to say, I was somewhat apprehensive about signing such a contract since income has been scarce (I have not mastered sufficient skills to be able to hire myself as a Ninja Assassin). However, those fears were quickly brushed aside after First Official Ninja Training Session. Details of this session to follow.