I Bought a New Book

I think the trick to having a successful blog is to turn stuff that isn't very interesting into material that can be talked about at the water cooler. Or, since most places I know don't have water coolers anymore, you can talk about my blog around the vending machines that sell bottled water. For example, I could say that I flew home this weekend. That's boring. But if I somehow started my story with how I went through airport security effortlessly and without delay... well, come to think of it, that's not a very exciting story either. I suppose I could tell the hilarious story of how I ordered a tasty beverage on the airplane and GOT EXACTLY WHAT I ASKED FOR! Can you believe the nerve of the stewardess? Hmm, now that I'm thinking about it, this whole goal of turning uninteresting stories into talking points isn't really working for me...

I don't know if it's because studying for the bar makes life extremely uninteresting or what, but this clearly isn't working for me tonight. So I'm going to ask for a virtual favor from my limited audience -- give me some suggestions on what to discuss in a future blog entry. This will help accomplish several goals. First, it'll pad my comment section making me feel better about myself. Second, it encourages reader/author interaction. And finally, it will give me something to talk about more than having nothing to talk about. It really can be anything at all. If I don't have an opinion on the requested topic, I'll research just enough to form an opinion. It'll be fun, I promise!

I'm Back. But Not Learning Jiu Jitsu Anymore...

Well, for the one or two readers who may still care, I have decided to make a triumphant return to bloggerdom. This is mostly because I have discovered a new blog (and Bar Exam Studying distraction) at http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/. Now, some of you (or the one of you still left) may be all like "Whoa, that's not a new blog at all." And you would be right, it isn't. But I just discovered it, so it's new to me. And that's all that really matters, right?

So I have been brainstorming some ideas for blog posts (again, putting off studying for the Bar) and agonizing (not really) over what I was going to do for my first new post. First, I thought it only fair to apologize to those of you who were closely following my quest to become a Ninja Master and explain why I have been slacking on those duties. For those of you that may not know, my Ninja Career ended some what dramatically. And by dramatically, I mean that I was being a dumbass and didn't tap out of an arm-bar. Said arm bar caused Ninja Nerve Damage (Author's note: Ninja Nerve Damage is just like regular nerve damage, just with a cooler name) in my elbow. It wasn't anything serious, it just took forever to heal and was pretty obnoxious for quite some time. Now, that is only part of the reason I retired from the Ninja-ing. Ninja Law School (or whatever I used to call it) took on a new intensity about the same time that I hurt myself, so I was preoccupied with both curricular and extracurricular activities. This created the perfect storm of Ninja Excuses for me to stop showing up (but continue paying for) Ninja Lessons.

Now, you (singular...in case I haven't made it abundantly clear that I only expect approximately one person to read this blog) may be thinking, "Oh, that's sad. Now this blog is going to suck even worse than it did before." To respond, I will say, "No! That shall not be so." (I always remember to use my shall's when responding to thoughts I imagine people are having). Noteworthy stuff happens to me all the time. So anything I can think of something noteworthy to say, I will. Believe you me, there I have plenty ideas (examples include, but are not limited to: a hypothesis on public restroom toilet paper, proposed blogging rules for the budding humor writer, and whether or not growing up is in fact what it is cracked up to be). So bear with me while I attempt to reinvent this little section of the internet that I call Lessons For the Great White Ninja (I'm totally keeping the name).

Day 21 & 22 - Back in Action

Let me begin with an apology for a lack of updates to the like 3 people that still read this thing. Last week, I embarked on a Ninja Quest through much of my homeland. Unfortunately, this left me unable to work on any Ninja Training which meant that there just wasn't anything to post about. Fear not, loyal reader, as I have returned to my Ninja Place of Residences and resumed Ninja Training. Because I am again taking a Ninja Finance class at night twice a week, I am forced to scale back on my training to two nights a week as well as the Saturday Mega-Lesson. Even though I don't think I'm technically allowed to, I am still going to stay for the double Ninja-Masters/Ninja Basics training, which leads to long nights on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but counteracts the crappy food I am still eating. One of these days I'm going to have the time and the willpower to put myself on an official Ninja Diet. In the meantime though, I'm just going to complain about it.

So when I showed up for class after my week-long hiatus (or, as Ninja Master has intsructed me to call it, a Training Plateau), I expected to be a little rusty. Ninja Master was continuing a string of lessons on how to submit somebody once you have them in the Side Mount. The Side Mount is a position where your Adversary is laying on top of you on either your right or left side. It is not a new position, but up until fairly recently, not one that I have dealt with much in my Ninja Sparring. You may remember that my priority has been what to do if I find myself in a regular mount or guard position and have been focusing my attention as such. To refresh your memory, those positions both happen when your opponent is directly over you. What I was not privy to, however, was that the Side Mount can be a much crappier position to find yourself in since your Ninja Adversary has more room to get you to tap out. And, perhaps even more worrisome is that you don't have as much room to get yourself out of that position. Think of it like trying to escape if a ladder is pinned on top of you versus if you are stuck under a 3 legged stool. Do not spend time trying to consider how you may have gotten yourself stuck in either of those positions, as it will likely give you a headache.

You also may have remembered that I was recently promoted to yellow belt and hadn't had any subsequent Ninja Training Sessions between my promotion and my first day back. So I felt like I had something to prove by, at the very least, not getting tapped out by any white belts. I was medium-successful in achieving that goal. During Ninja Basic Training, I paired up against a white belt who I found out after the fact was another collegiate wrestler. Apparently Jiu Jitsu is popular with wrestlers because it combines a skill set they are used to with a whole new, exponentially badass set of abilities. But even the newest of Ninja Trainees who have wrestling experience can be dangerous. On the one hand, the stuff they know is similar to what they are learning, but the end goal is different (a pin vs. a submission). That changes their strategy which changes how one must defend against them. Also, these Ninja Newbies think they already know what they're doing when it comes to Jiu Jitsu, so they will twist and yank on limbs that don't need to have that kind of sudden pressure applied. So you have to watch out for that too.

Ok, so sidestory aside, Ninja Wrestler did not get me to tap out, although it was very close a couple times. I'm pretty sure had it not been for my new goal of not getting my ass kicked by white belts, I'd have given up way before I did...

I might have mentioned earlier that Ninja Basic Lessons are on a rotating curriculum. There are 20 or so lessons and Ninja Instructors keep teaching them in a constant rotation. Once we have learned Lesson 20, we start back over with Lesson 1. This week marked my first rotation through the Ninja Basic Curriculum -- the stuff I first started with is now being taught again. Only this time, I actually understand what is going on. Maybe now, I can finally live up to that Ninja Leadership patch I bought and teach these newer folks some Ninja Techniques on my own...

Days 19 & 20 - Private Lesson with Ninja Charlie and Yellow Belt

Jiu jitsu is a sport that is all about details and being able to adapt to your situation at a moment's notice. You could probably say the former about any sport, but my experience is that only in jiu jitsu must you also have the latter. On Thursday, Ninja Charlie was kind enough to drill with me some of the most basic Ninja Techniques - mount escapes. Because I'm still trying to figure out how to start a sparring round, I often find myself flat on my back with my Ninja Adversary (that sounds much cooler than opponent) mounted on top of me. There are at least 2 dozen variations on how a Ninja Adversary can be mounted on top of you (for example: sitting up tall to try and punch your face; sitting low to try and choke your neck; legs spread wide to stabilize; legs close to go for a submission), and each position has its own way to get out of, so Ninja Charlie taught me the three most common positions. There is something to be said about one-on-one instruction, especially with somebody who actually knows what he's doing. During our private session, Ninja Charlie was able to point out small things that I was doing wrong (there were lots of them) which impacted how successful I was at pulling the techniques off. We also spent quite a bit of time drilling scenarios when each technique should be utilized. The attention to detail paid huge dividends during official Ninja Training later that evening.

Since I went to Ninja Training for the 2-3 hours per night each night (depending on what was going on), I felt I was allowed to only go to the first hour of Ninja Masters training. To help make my decision easier, I had been at the pool all day drinking beer, so I was both sunburned and kinda dehydrated. Self-imposed handicaps notwithstanding, Thursday's Ninja Training session was a great success. Ninja Chief Instructor was substituting for Ninja Master and we just reviewed some arm-locks that we had learned the day before. During the sparring is when things got interesting. And when I say interesting, I don't mean like completely outrageous, I just mean that for the first time, I was kinda able to control the situation I was in rather than just curl up in the fetal position and count the seconds down until our rounds were over. Having just a bit of offense allowed me to take much needed breaks during the round where I could relax and catch my breath, even if it was just for a few seconds. It kept my Ninja Adversaries on their toes and prolonged the time it took for me to tap out (if I even needed to tap out at all!).

There is not Ninja Training on Fridays (thank goodness, because my shoulders have been extremely sore all week), so I worked in the yard for a couple hours and generally took it easy. Of course, I didn't put on any sunscreen again, which made my sunburn even worse.

Today (Saturday), Ninja Master was conducting Ninja Graduation (to be discussed in a minute), which meant no Leadership Class. In Ninja Masters class, we learned briefly how to escape Side Control and how to stabilize (prevent somebody from escaping) Side Control. It is pretty typical that as soon as I learn how to get out of one sort of situation, a whole new problem presents itself. Getting out of Side Control is much harder than getting out of a mount for all sorts of reasons, so I am going to have to learn how to deal with those Ninja Situations next. Ninja Sparring for an hour got pretty exhausting (as it usually does). Again, I was able to utilize some of Ninja Charlie's techniques and get myself out of bad situations. For the first time today, I was able to deliberately execute a submission on a Ninja Adversary and have it work (again, stuff that I was taught on Thursday). Nevermind that my Ninja Adversary was a white belt who I probably outweighed by about 50 lbs... the important thing is that I was able to plan a move and actually have it work. These basics were not as successful against the higher ranking Ninjas in Training, but based on the feedback I was getting, it seems like I am moving in the right direction.

After some sparring, I had some time to kill before I had to attend Ninja Graduation, so I thought I'd help out with the Ninja Basics makeup class. I partnered up with this little guy -- he couldn't have been much older than 13 or 14 to drill the techniques we learned over the week. I clearly was overlooking the details while trying to teach Ninja Middle-schooler, as Ninja Instructor (who despite having a lower job title than Ninja Chief Instructor, actually outranks Ninja Chief Instructor) spent way more time than I would have thought appropriate critiquing both of our techniques. Not a big deal though, because like I said -- this is a sport about details and adapting to your situation. After 45 minutes of review, it was time for the event I have been waiting for all week -- Ninja Graduation.

Having only seen rank advancements in class where Ninja Master hands out belts once we're all lined up at the end of our Ninja Training, I wasn't sure what to expect for Ninja Graduation. In my mind, I figured it was going to be some sort of speech followed by passing out belts followed by a round of applause. As it turns out, Ninja Master wanted to test us on the techniques we have been learning for the past 2ish months. Because there were so few Ninja Graduates, we had a one-Ninja-Instructor-to-one-Ninja-Partnership ratio. The individual attention was great because it helped me refine some of the details that I have been omitting throughout my Ninja Training. After testing over just about everything that I have learned to date (and a couple things I learned during Ninja Graduation), Ninja Master lined us all up and passed out new belts. This was the last ever Ninja Graduation ceremony, so from now on, all my rank advancements will happen during class. I am now one step closer to achieving my goal of becoming a Black Belt. Let's hope that I continue paying attention to details and stuff and am able to maintain the intensity in my training that I have had so far...

Day 17 & 18 - Guard Passing and Teaching Little Ninjas

Today was the third day in a row of Ninja Training. I have been going back to back to back this week so that I can get my Yellow Belt on Saturday before I head home for a week. Monday was probably one of the toughest days of my Ninja Training to date. I volunteered to help Ninja Master and Ninja Master's Wife train the Little Ninjas during Family Ninja Training. Back in my younger Pre-Great White Ninja days, I used to teach 3-12 year old kids how to swim, so I thought I had some experience keeping kids focused and paying attention. I'm either out of practice or not as good at keeping kids toeing the line as I thought I was, as Monday was an exhausting experience. Of course, it could have also been a combination of one Ninja Instructor, Junior Grade (yours truly) to a dozen Little Ninjas and the fact that I was learning the moves I was supposed to help teach at the same time as the Little Ninjas. Or, it could have been that one of the Ninja Instructors told me that I would be in charge of the 8 & 9 year olds by myself. Little Ninja Funny Boy and Little Ninja Funny Boy's Sidekick did not make life any easier, as they were screwing around and not focusing on the Ninja Techniques that they were supposed to learn. The other Little Ninjas were, for the most part, cooperative. I had prior commitments after Little Ninja Training which kept me from staying for Ninja Masters or Ninja Basic like I have been.

Yesterday (Tuesday, for those of you keeping score), I went to both Ninja Masters and Ninja Basics despite showing up on Saturday, thus not really needing to go to Ninja Masters. I'm glad I did though, because I really need as much practice as I can possibly get. The Ninja Technique taught to us by Ninja Master is probably over my head still, but it is good advice to keep in the back of my mind. Today's Ninja Masters provided a much more useful technique that I actually used during sparring. Ninja Master and I squared off for a 5 minute round today. That man is like a boa constrictor... he allows you to get into position and then slowly, but deliberately positions himself in a way that you know you're in trouble, but can't really do much about it. He averaged about one tap-out against me per minute. Let me say it now -- my new goal is to train hard enough to just be able to last one round against him. I am not crazy enough to think that I'm gonna win, I just don't want to lose.

Speaking of not losing, this has been a pretty productive week for Ninja Defense. Of course the higher belts that I have been rolling with are going at half-speed at first, but I think they realize that I am starting to figure out what I'm doing, so they start to pick up the intensity. Sometimes they're not able to get me to tap, but most of the time, they do. But instead of me tapping 3 or 4 times during a 5 or 6 minute round, I am only tapping once. Which is absolute improvement. The next step is to start trying to attack a bit. At this point, it isn't so that I can win the round, but rather to keep the opponent on his or her guard so I can relax the defense from time to time. The stuff we are learning in Ninja Basics -- basic guard and mount escapes will definitely help achieve that goal. Like I said -- against somebody who knows what he's doing, it won't be enough to win, but it'll do well enough to buy a few seconds of rest.

Well, tomorrow, I'm finally taking Ninja Charlie up on his offer to teach me a thing or two about jiu jistu (also known in shorthand as "BJJ"). These will be my first Ninja Private Lessons, so I'm expecting some great stuff to happen. I'll tell y'all about it tomorrow or Friday.

Day 16 - Things to do from a Side Mount

You know how some things are so obvious you completely refuse to believe that they are true until somebody shows you? Well, I had one of those moments yesterday in my 3 hour Ninja Training.

As on most Saturdays, Ninja Training began with a discussion on Ninja Leadership. Ninja Master instructed on the importance of keeping a quality "Inner Circle." While this has only been my second Ninja Leadership lesson, I have had the same progression of attitudes both times. At first, I go in with skepticism and even a bit of resentment that I am having to sit through more leadership lessons (having been saturated with these lessons for most of my life). That skepticism slowly faded, however, as I began to listen to what Ninja Master had to say. The thesis of his speech yesterday was that you need to pick your friends carefully. While he called in an "Inner Circle," I would prefer to call it my "Brain Trust." So Ninja Master suggested (in a nutshell) that the people you allow to be in your Brain Trust need to be individuals who you can count on to look out for your best interests. They can, but may not necessarily include, parents, siblings, significant others, friends. Conversely, those that are close to you, may not necessarily be in the Brain Trust (which proves to be a challenge balancing the relationship with keeping your distance). Listening to some of the Ninja Student comments and stories were interesting too. One Ninja Pupil shared with the class that he was always a follower -- assimilating whatever persona the group he was in had. But since starting the Ninja Training, he was beginning to find himself. I'm not really sure why I am choosing to share that particular story with you, the audience, this evening, except for the fact that it just sorta stuck with me.

Like myself, Ninja Master was not present for lessons last Saturday, so he didn't remember what Ninja Lessons we were supposed to learn. He opted to teach us a counter for when your opponent is trying to lock you into a "closed guard." I had the privilege of having a Ninja Partner who actually knew what he was doing. We'll call him Ninja Stu -- not because his name is necessarily Stu, but because he was a chill and patient guy (like I imagine most people named Stu are). Other than Ninja Stu being a good guy and working with me to get this stuff workable, the second hour of Ninja Lessons was pretty uneventful.

Ninja Sparring (still also known as "Rolling"), was actually alot of fun yesterday. Of my opponents, one was a retired MP (Military Police). He taught me more Ninja Basics which, like I began, were so obvious, there was know way I was going to figure it out on my own. His words were "When in doubt, grab your gi." This was so close to what I had been doing, but just far enough off the mark that the advice was pretty revolutionary. Instead of grabbing my collar like Ninja MP told me, I had been keeping my arms close with some Ninja Karate-Chop Hands. I immediately started applying this technique for the 40 or so minutes that was left and noticed that the number of times I had to tap out declined significantly.

At the end of class, Ninja Master informed me that I would be eligible for my Yellow Belt by Saturday. I'm not sure whether there is a test or anything to go with the promotion, but I did pay my $40 fee and filled out all necessary paperwork. I'm not sure if I deserve the yellow just yet, but it'll be pretty cool to level up...

Day 14 and 15 - Half Guard

Just got back from Ninja Training about an hour ago... This was my first time to do two Ninja Lessons in a row, but I have been cooped up in the house all day not studying for my last Ninja Final, so I really needed to get out of the house. And as I am paying for the highest level of Ninja Training, I figure that entitles me to show up whenever I want. So let's talk about Monday -- it was a long Ninja Session anyway since I didn't go to Ninja Training on Saturday (due to finals). Ninja Master was not there, so Ninja Chief Instructor was teaching us. Like I think I've said in the past, Ninja Chief Instructor and Ninja Master are both VERY good at what they do, they just have slightly different styles. That means instead of starting with running some Ninja Laps and having a brief discussion on Ninja Leadership, we just went straight into Ninja Techniques.

In Masters class, we have spent the past week on these half-guard escapes and are just learning slight variations on what to do depending on what position you find yourself in. I know I'm saying that alot about these lessons, but that is what it has been -- pretty close to the same moves, just highly dependent on what your Ninja Opponent wants to do. These moves are all well and good, but it takes some serious skill to 1.) Find yourself in a position that you can use the stuff you've learned, 2.) Actually remember how to pull of the technique, or 3.) Physically be strong enough to do the move. Now, all 3 factors are HUGE roadblocks, but #1 seems to be my biggest challenge right now. Generally, I find myself in one of 2 positions... flat on my back (in a Mounted Position) or on my knees tangled up in my opponent's legs (Closed Guard). I am told that we are going to learn how to escape those positions in Ninja Basics. And I have been asking the older, wiser, and more experienced Ninja Students what to do during our Sparring (or, to use some Ninja Vernacular... rolling) sessions. All of them have been extremely helpful in giving me pointers as to how to get out of the defensive positions. Which brings me to problem #3.

During Technique time (and also when Rolling with Ninja Students trying to teach me), the object is to kinda help your buddy out so that you and they can master the moves. But when you are sparring, the object is to NOT let your opponent do what they want to. So yeah, in theory, you can pull your knee in here, and grab the wrist there and WHAM-O... submission. But in actual practice, you're dealing with 250 lbs on the sternum and a very slippery wrestling buddy... makes doing textbook moves kinda tough. So you improvise. But improvising can lead to bad consequences when you leave yourself open to allowing the more experienced opponents to put you in submissions you didn't even know existed, much less know how to defend against.

So, to summarize that mini-rant... Ninja Techniques are great if you can overcome the Three Obstacles. I'm told that as I progress, I will be able to use more and more, but then advance to full-time Masters lessons when I will not be able to use them as easily for awhile. But that is a bridge that must be crossed in the distant future. In the meantime, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing -- a little move called "Fetal Position." I'd also like to share a bit of advice that I was given by a student we'll call Ninja Professor (named because he is a professor at our local University). First a bit of a back story -- I have a genetic condition called a "benign familiar tremor," which is a fancy (and I'm convinced made up medical term) term for a shakey hand. My hands shake when I'm nervous, tired, stressed and/or hungover. And apparently after working out. At it's worse, it's a pretty significant tremor... at it's best, hardly noticeable... no matter what though, I don't eat much soup.

Anywho, back to Ninja Professor's advice. After a 5 minute "Rolling" session, he noticed the Benign Familiar Tremor. He suggested that while sparring, I should just relax because getting so tense doesn't really add much to the Ninja Experience, except to just wear oneself out. I won't lie -- at first, I was a bit defensive about my shake. But then, I got to thinking what he said. It did seem to make sense -- by relaxing a bit, maybe I wouldn't get so tired so quickly! So I gave it a shot yesterday (and today) during our sparring sessions. Believe it or not, Ninja Professor is definitely on to something with his relax philosophy. Don't get me wrong, I was definitely tapped out quite a few times over the past 2 days, but it was fewer times than last week... a definite improvement! And that, my friends, is why I'm doing this.